Being in a band can be extremely gratifying and also really scary...
Updated: Apr 28, 2019
I for one was never very popular in high school or thereafter, and much of the insecurities that formed in me early on were only magnified when I was in a band. It’s not just getting up in front of people, or even singing lyrics that are personal to me. It’s socializing with other bands, it’s posting on Instagram, it’s comparing myself to other people and worrying that my band’s lack of progress is just another sign that I’m not cool. It’s worrying my memes are old, or that having dread locks is culturally-insensitive, or that dating my guitarist will somehow make me less appealing to “fans” (yeah—that happened <3).
I’m not saying that people who aren’t in bands don’t experience this stuff, but for me, if I wasn’t in a band, I wouldn’t choose to put myself out there to experience it. But I love our music, and I know that putting myself out there is the only way to share it with other people! Sometimes that means posting pictures and making sure to interact with people even when I’d rather just leave my phone at home or stay in bed altogether.
Some days are better than others. I haven’t had an actual panic attack since the summer! With show season gearing up in the warmer months, I’m really hopeful that this summer will be better :) We have some new songs that we’re pretty excited to get out there, and I want to do it fearlessly. Unapologetically. In the words of St. Francis, I want to wear the fear of being in a band like a loose garment—one that touches me in a few places, but lightly. I think this is how people without this kind of fear and anxiety do things and I really want that for myself and for The Twindows.
Thanks to Chad Wright of Beer and Pretzels for this video from December :)